{"id":39,"date":"2026-04-17T16:23:00","date_gmt":"2026-04-17T16:23:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/shabbatgrouptimes.com\/?p=39"},"modified":"2026-04-17T16:25:13","modified_gmt":"2026-04-17T16:25:13","slug":"issue-4","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/shabbatgrouptimes.com\/?p=39","title":{"rendered":"Issue 4"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

BREAKING NEWS!<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

SIX-SEVEN OFFICIALLY BANNED<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Merrilee Warren<\/strong>, age 12, editor of SGT (Shabbat Group Times) is officially banning six-seven forever. This will never be undone. It is the MOST absolutely OBNOXIOUS phrase in the history of EVER. No one likes it! It is SO! ANNOYING! Why six and seven? They don’t rhyme! They don’t make sense! Who cares if some basketball player is six foot seven? He’s not even there! WHAT IS THE ABSOLUTE POINT!?! Any time someone says this phrase, they will be officially BANNED from eating any of Merrilee’s cookies for the next three Shabbat groups, which you DEFINITELY do NOT want to happen, since this time Merrilee is making FIVE KINDS of cookies (and all of them are new!) (see page A2). We’re looking at YOU, ELLIOTT! No more six-seven! If you like cookies then you will not say this! Please! Everyone hates it! You like cookies, don’t you? Good! Then NO MORE SIX-SEVEN!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Overleaf: No six-seven!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

AD<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

SGT REPORTERS NEEDED<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do you have eyes<\/strong>?Do you have ears<\/strong>?Do you occasionally notice things happening around you? Then you are qualified for this job! You must be alert at all times, and write down any breaking news you witness. The problem with SGT is that it currently only has one reporter, who does not see everything that happens. We need more people to help us! Payment for breaking news is extra cookies. Amount of cookies paid depends on quality and length of the article you submit. You may choose your cookie flavor. Send your articles to shabbatgrouptimes@gmail.com<\/a> and Merrilee will publish them in the next issue. Now we will have reporters all over the place! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

BREAKING NEWS<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

MERRILEE MAKES DOUBLE BATCH OF COOKIES<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Merrilee Warren, <\/strong>age 12, has finally given in to the requests of several cookie addicts, who requested one hundred batches. No, she is not making five thousand cookies (literally, that’s how many cookies would be in a hundred batches). She is making two <\/em>batches. They will be five flavors: peppermint hot chocolate, cinnamon hot chocolate, Mexican hot chocolate (cinnamon and cayenne pepper), chocolate covered cherry (with chopped maraschino cherries), and s’mores cookies. She hopes they are very tasty. If they are not you may go yell it her. Be warned, though, if you yell she may withhold cookies. (Remember that you will not get ANY cookies if you say… the FORBIDDEN PHRASE (six-seven).) Merrilee permits everyone to take two cookies total. Some of them are cut into half, so you could take four halves. She asks that you do not get more than one cookie total of one flavor. Taste as many as possible, then vote for your favorite at shabbatgrouptimes@gmail.com<\/a> . The winning cookie flavor will be announced in next week’s issue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

EXCLUSIVE!<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

LOCAL BABY SUDDENLY OBESSED WITH LEMON<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Eliyah Grace Warren, <\/strong>age 1, recently found half a lemon and started licking it over and over. She made a disgusted face each time she licked it, but for some reason she kept licking. In between licks she took sips of her water, which was in a cup shaped like an angry teapot. It may have even been a pouting teapot. At one point, she turned to her sister Merrilee, picked up the lemon, threw it backwards over her head, held up her angry pouty teapot, and said, \u201cMmm!\u201d We think that means lemons are gross and water is mmm! We are not sure if Eliyah likes lemons or not. After getting rid of the lemon, she ran away, climbed to the top of the stool, and started crying. Maybe it smelled like a lemon. Eliyah has three angry pouty teapots and sometimes she drinks milk out of them. They usually (always) end up on the floor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

BIBLE VERSE OF THE WEEK<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Deuteronomy 31:6<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

ASA QUOTE OF THE WEEK<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

‘Kaaaaaa-flingy! Now it’s done!’<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Asa, as he threw all the perfectly organized couch cushions onto the floor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

BREAKING NEWS<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

ASA = LOGAN<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Asa Gallant Warren at This Age Three <\/strong>(almost four!),<\/strong> age three, recently put a hat on backwards, marched into the room where his four older siblings were, and said, \u201cDo I look like Logan?\u201d<\/strong> If Logan is Asa wearing a hat then yes, we think he totally looks like Logan. Except Asa may be a little too short… and with the wrong color hair… and is eight years younger… and is gone every Friday because he goes to California on his jet pack to ride motorcycles and then a dinosaur ate California. But! They are practically identical twins now, so it may take some getting used to. You will probably confuse them all the time. Don’t worry, you’ll learn to tell them apart someday. It may just take some practice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Helpful tips:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Logan = Logan.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Asa + Backwards Hat = Logan<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Asa + Forwards Hat = ?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Asa \u2014 Hat = Asa<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Asa + Sideways Hat = okay now we’re just confused.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

INTERVIEW WITH JOHN<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Today we will be interviewing John. We will also be interviewing David in about five minutes. They had to do rock-paper-scissors shoot and John won, but David said he cheated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: <\/strong>What is your favorite color?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: <\/strong>Um… orange.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: <\/strong>What is your favorite animal?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: <\/strong>Duh, it’s a dog. You already know that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: <\/strong>What is your favorite food?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: <\/strong>Pizza.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: <\/strong>What is your favorite dessert?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: <\/strong>Um… this is a tough one. I have very many desserts I like. I can’t really think of one in particular… how about… vanilla ice cream, how about.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: <\/strong>What is your favorite activity?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: <\/strong>It’d be Minecraft or it’d be Legos… I don’t know what one I’d like more. Recently I’ve been playing with Legos more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: <\/strong>So you like Legos better?
A: <\/strong>Yeah, I think so. The answer of course is yes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: <\/strong>What is your favorite pet?
A: <\/strong>Bella. The dog. And KOJI!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: <\/strong>What do you think of Shabbat Group Times?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: <\/strong>HILARIOUS<\/p>\n\n\n\n

INTERVIEW WITH DAVID<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is David’s turn! We will now ask him the same questions we asked John. He will probably have different answers, because it seems that twins actually do not have the same brain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: <\/strong>What is your favorite color?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: <\/strong>Red.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: <\/strong>What is your favorite animal?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: <\/strong>Tiger.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: <\/strong>What is your favorite food?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: <\/strong>Taco night with cheese dip and chips. I mean, cheese dip with chips.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: <\/strong>What is your favorite dessert?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: <\/strong>Cinnamon rolls.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: <\/strong>That’s a breakfast item.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: <\/strong>No.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: <\/strong>What is your favorite\u2014<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: <\/strong>Activity?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: <\/strong>Yes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: <\/strong>Snot a question.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: <\/strong>Okay, but what is your favorite activity?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: <\/strong>Legos.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: <\/strong>What is your favorite pet?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: <\/strong>Bella the dog. And KOJI! *snickers*<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: <\/strong>What do you think of Shabbat Group Times?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: <\/strong>Hall my arious! Hall my arious? No, HILARIOUS.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SHABBAT GROUP TIMES (SGT) OFFICIAL WORDS<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hall my arious (hall\/ my\/ AIR\/ ee\/ us) <\/strong>(adjective)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Definition:<\/strong> So hilarious that your brain gives up and makes up new syllables (e.g ‘That interview was so hall my arious!’).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Word Origin:<\/strong> An interesting Shabbat Group Times interview gone wrong (or right?).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Discoballiqualified (disco\/ BALL \/i \/ qualified) <\/strong>(noun, adjective, verb, adverb, gerund, infinitive, participle, preposition, etc.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Definition:<\/strong> None (you can use it as any word, although it is most commonly used as an insult (e.g ‘You’re so discoballiqualified!’<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.’Don’t discoballiqualify me!’<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.’Wow, that was totally discoballiqualified of you.’).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Word Origin: <\/strong>Created by Warren children (who else) while they were supposed to be cleaning; commonly used by Merrilee, the twins, and Elliott.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wrapperchutation (rap\/ er\/ shoot\/ A\/ shun) <\/strong>(noun)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Definition: <\/strong>The act of wrapperchuting (e.g ‘This helmet\u2122 prevents wrapperchutation!’).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Word Origin: <\/strong>The noun form of wrapperchuting; added to the dictionary after ‘wrapperchuter’ became a widespread word.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stinkball (STEENK\/ ball) <\/strong>(proper noun)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Definition: <\/strong>The title of highest honor in Warrenia; given only by King Asa. Recipients of this name are considered highly honored; in fact, only one living person currently possesses this title (e.g ‘Asa proclaimed Logan Tefft ‘Stinkball Tefft.”).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Word Origin: <\/strong>This name is two months (8,412 years) old; a title given to only the most honored and noble Warrenian citizens.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Toast-walking (toste\/ WOK\/ ing) <\/strong>(verb)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Definition: <\/strong>To lie on your back and push yourself around backwards, propelling yourself with your feet (e.g ‘Asa was toast-walking all over the floor.’).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Word Origin: <\/strong>Asa was toast-walking all over the floor one day when he was asked what he was doing. He claimed he was ‘toast-walking’. Thus the word was born.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Snot a question (SNOT\/ a\/ kwest\/ shun) <\/strong>( part of speech???) A5<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Definition: <\/strong>Either a slurred version of ‘that’s not a question’ or a question covered in snot; we are not entirely sure. Your best bet on learning the true definition of the word is to ask one of the twins (e.g ‘What is your favorite activity? ‘Snot a question”).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Word Origin: <\/strong>This word, or more so a phrase, was created when Merrilee Warren, a reporter for Shabbat Group Times, was interviewing David (see page A4<\/em>) and asked what his favorite activity was. He answered, ‘Snot a question’.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Warning: If you call someone other than a bearer of the title Stinkball’ (e.g Logan, named by King Asa himself) ‘Stinkball’, you are liable to either have to pay a 5,000,000 cookie fine or two Warrenian months in a tickle dungeon.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

RIDDLE CORNER<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Riddle 1:<\/strong>
Who runs around the house screaming, bites stacks of bagels and crackers, and goes to California every Friday?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Riddle 2:<\/strong>
What is small, fast, unpredictable, and can defeat a toilet in single combat?<\/em>
Riddle 3:<\/strong>
Who likes the feeling of twins pouring cold sand down his underpants?<\/em>
Riddle 4:<\/strong>
Who counts: \u201cOne! Two! Eighteen! Sixteen! Eight! Nine!\u201d?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

ANSWERS<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

1: Asa<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

2: Asa<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

3: Asa<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

4: Asa<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

FRIENDS AND FANS<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Profile: <\/strong><\/em>Asa Warren<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Age: <\/strong><\/em>3 (we think)<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Likes: <\/strong><\/em>California, dinosaurs, deer<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dislikes: <\/strong><\/em>Elliott tying him to a vine and swinging him into a tree, electric fences, spiders<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Silliness Level: <\/strong><\/em>OFF THE CHARTS
<\/em>Known For: <\/strong><\/em>Asa Updates, stories about California.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Profile: <\/strong><\/em>John Warren<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Age: <\/strong><\/em>10<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Likes: <\/strong><\/em>Orange things, dogs, Legos<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dislikes: <\/strong><\/em>Cats, cleaning, school<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Silliness Level: <\/strong><\/em>We are not at liberty to divulge that information.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Known For: <\/strong><\/em>Evil hugs (tackling), probably.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Profile: <\/strong><\/em>David Warren<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Age: <\/strong><\/em>10<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Likes: <\/strong><\/em>Red things, tigers, Legos<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dislikes: <\/strong><\/em>Six-seven, cleaning, school<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Silliness Level: <\/strong><\/em>11.3847 out of 10.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Known For: <\/strong><\/em>Being deputy of the forest fort.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Profile: <\/strong><\/em>Merrilee Warren<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Age: <\/strong><\/em>12<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Likes: <\/strong><\/em>Writing, cucumbers, chickens<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dislikes: <\/strong><\/em>Six-seven, koalas, pandas<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Silliness Level: <\/strong><\/em>Unknown (likely high)<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Known For: <\/strong><\/em>SGT (Shabbat Group Times)<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Profile: <\/strong><\/em>Sam Morris<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Age: <\/strong><\/em>10<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Likes: <\/strong><\/em>Forest forts, football, Jackpot<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dislikes: <\/strong><\/em>Empty wisteria jelly jars, NO DESSERT!, vinegar in mouth<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Silliness Level: <\/strong><\/em>3\/10<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Known For: <\/strong><\/em>Being leader of forest fort<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Profile: <\/strong><\/em>Elliott Garrett<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Age: <\/strong><\/em>9<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Likes: <\/strong><\/em>Six-seven (unfortunately), dogs, very aggressive evil hugging<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dislikes: <\/strong><\/em>Losing reusable water balloons, no six-seven, playing Monopoly correctly<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Silliness Level: <\/strong><\/em>High<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Known For: <\/strong><\/em>Saying six-seven all the time even though everyone yells at him<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Profile: <\/strong><\/em>Ember Speck<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Age: <\/strong><\/em>10<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Likes: <\/strong><\/em>Games, friends, SGT (we hope)<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dislikes: <\/strong><\/em>Boys calling her boring, being accused of becoming a <\/em>B1<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

turtle in ga-ga ball pit, hungry boys next to Mr. Chocolate<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Silliness Level: <\/strong><\/em>Occasional silliness<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Known For: <\/strong><\/em>Being totally awesome<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Profile: <\/strong><\/em>Logan Tefft<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Age: <\/strong><\/em>12<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Likes: <\/strong><\/em>Cookies, sports, maybe newspapers?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dislikes: <\/strong><\/em>Losing in ga-ga ball (rarely), Asa becoming his twin (maybe?), falling out of trees after he throws someone’s shoe down the hollow trunk (probably)<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Silliness Level: <\/strong><\/em>Fairly normal<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Known For: <\/strong><\/em>Dramatic readings of Asa Updates and SGT<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Profile: <\/strong><\/em>Jonah Sansing<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Age: <\/strong><\/em>11<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Likes: <\/strong><\/em>Rubik’s cube, dessert, football<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dislikes: <\/strong><\/em>Having his secret hiding places for Hide And Seek discovered, falling into large holes, getting found in his secret hiding places in Hide And Seek<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Silliness Level: No data <\/strong><\/em>(presumably low)<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Known For: <\/strong><\/em>Solving a TRIANGLE Rubik’s cube (why does that exist)<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Profile: <\/strong><\/em>Cora Ruth Kutcher<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Age: <\/strong><\/em>13<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Likes: <\/strong><\/em>Cats, piano, writing<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dislikes: <\/strong><\/em>Being mean, tackle keep-away, being the thrower in Jackpot?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Silliness Level: <\/strong><\/em>Funny, but rarely silly<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Known For: <\/strong><\/em>Being very fast and good at drawing<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Profile: <\/strong><\/em>Mary Helen Kutcher<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Age: <\/strong><\/em>11<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Likes: <\/strong><\/em>Passacaglia, Mars (the cat), drawing<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dislikes: <\/strong><\/em>Show-offs, falling out of her hammock, things biting her<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Silliness Level: <\/strong><\/em>Mostly normal; occasional spontaneous silliness.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Known For:<\/strong><\/em> Being very funny<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Profile: <\/strong><\/em>Sunny Warren<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Age: <\/strong><\/em>8<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Likes: <\/strong><\/em>Candy, Legos, piano <\/em>B2<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dislikes: <\/strong><\/em>John’s gross burps, Asa being a ‘sumo wrestler’ while doing his signature move (you don’t want to know), quinoa<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Silliness Level: <\/strong><\/em>ACTS serious, but secretly VERY silly<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Known For: <\/strong><\/em>Muffins.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Great! Now you can tell which of the kids you are running from as they try to wrapperchute you! Good luck<\/em>\u2014<\/em> hope you’re fast! <\/em><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Note: Speed may not work on wrapperchuters.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

IMPORTANT NOTICE<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

SHABBAT GROUP TIMES PAPER ABSENT; EXTRA LONG THIS TIME<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Warrens unfortunately had to attend a funeral last Shabbat group, so they were not able to bring the famous <\/em>Shabbat Group Times <\/em>that time. Merrilee would like to sincerely apologize. We know that it must have been difficult to live without the newspaper (how did you survive?). To restore the community back to full health, Merrilee is extending this week’s newspaper’s length from the usual twelve pages to <\/em>eighteen pages.<\/strong><\/em>We will see if you can read and run at the same time when someone comes and tries to wrapperchute you. In fact, it might be happening right now! Or are <\/em>you <\/em>the one wrapperchuting someone…?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Warning: Product may contain breaking news.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

BREAKING NEWS<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

ASA THROWS UNDERPANTS IN TRASH CAN<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Asa Warren, <\/strong><\/em>age 3, recently threw a pair of his best underpants in the garbage. When questioned about it, he said, \u201cNo I did not throw my underpants in the garbage can! Look!\u201d We are not sure what we were supposed to look at if they were not in there. See the interview below for more info.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: <\/strong><\/em>Why did you throw your underpants in the garbage?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: <\/strong><\/em>I did not.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: <\/strong><\/em>What kind of underpants were they?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: <\/strong><\/em>None!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: <\/strong><\/em>Did you get your underpants out?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: <\/strong><\/em>Yes.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: <\/strong><\/em>Do you confirm that they were thrown in in the first<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

place?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: <\/strong><\/em>Yes.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

On second thought, that interview raises more questions than it answered. To learn the truth about whether he actually threw his underpants in the trash, click <\/em>here<\/strong><\/u><\/em>. We assume they were Paw Patrol underpants. Those are his favorite and most of his underpants<\/em>.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

<\/em> <\/em>QUESTION OF THE WEEK<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

How many toothpicks could a toothpickchuck chuck if a toothpickchuck could chuck toothpicks?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Notice that this phrase is impossible to say a second time without laughing.)<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

BREAKING NEWS<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

LOCAL BOY DISCOVERS GIANT BRAN FLAKE<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

John Warren, <\/strong><\/em>age 10, recently discovered a gigantic bran flake in the box of Raisin Bran\u2122 . We regret that there is no picture of the bran flake as John ate the evidence. It was very big, though. It was probably the king of all the other bran flakes. We assume its name was King Bran VII. We are not sure if King Bran VII also rules<\/em>\u2014<\/em>or <\/em>ruled<\/em>\u2014<\/em>over the raisins. If you discover any information on this subject, please report it to the SGT.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Caution: You may want to refrain from eating raisin bran cereal while reading this article.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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EXCLUSIVE!
<\/strong><\/em>ASA WRITES WEIRD SENTENCE<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Using Starfall, a learning app for kids, <\/em>Asa Warren, <\/strong><\/em>age 3, wrote this story:<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I like to explore the ocean. It can be very cold there, but I often dance there. I stomp around quietly whenever a camel appears.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This sentence makes no sense at all whatsoever. If a camel appears in the ocean, please notify Asa so that he can stomp around quietly.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Note: Scientists remain confused.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

INTERVIEW WITH SUNNY<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

After reading the interviews with the twins, Sunny insisted that we interview her as well, so we are going to ask her the same questions we asked the boys and see how it goes.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: <\/strong><\/em>What is your favorite color?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: <\/strong><\/em>Turquoise. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: <\/strong><\/em>What is your favorite animal?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: <\/strong><\/em>Birds<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: <\/strong><\/em>What kind of bird specifically?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: <\/strong><\/em>Any kind. I like all of ’em.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: <\/strong><\/em>NOT HELPFUL<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: <\/strong><\/em>What am I supposed to answer?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: <\/strong><\/em>Never mind. What is your favorite food?
<\/em>A: <\/strong><\/em>Cheeseburgers.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: <\/strong><\/em>What is your favorite dessert?
<\/em>A: <\/strong><\/em>Hm… this is a tough one. I like many kinds of desserts… but I don’t like one in specific. I mean, specifically.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: <\/strong>Just pick a random dessert.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: <\/strong>Doughnuts!
Q: <\/strong>That is also kind of a breakfast item.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: <\/strong><\/em>No it’s not!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q:<\/strong><\/em> What is your favorite activity?
<\/em>A: <\/strong><\/em>Mmmm…. playing with Eliyah.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: <\/strong><\/em>What is your favorite pet?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: <\/strong><\/em>Chickens. They produce milk. WAIT WAIT WAIT STOP I want to change my answer!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: <\/strong><\/em>Okay, change it to what?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A: <\/strong><\/em>Never mind.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: <\/strong><\/em>What do you think of Shabbat Group Times?
<\/em>A: <\/strong><\/em>If it’s more definitions, then, no.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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ELLIOTT’S STEP-BY-STEP GUIDE TO PLAYING MONOPOLY<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

To play Monopoly the Elliott Way\u2122, there are several important rules. This guide explains how to play this interesting version of the game.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n