Read this short comedy by Merrilee Warren!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
SUPERDUDE AND THE AMAZING HEROES<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Superdude was an awesome superhero. He was Superman’s barber’s dog walker’s nephew’s sister’s best friend’s third cousin twice removed. He had three superpowers and was the leader of a group of superheroes called W.D.H.N (W<\/strong>e D<\/strong>on\u2019t H<\/strong>ave a N<\/strong>ame)<\/p>\n\n\n\n It was a very awesome group. Superdude\u2019s three powers were the ability to stay up all night without getting tired (as long as he went to bed at eight PM every night), the ability to breathe underwater (as long as he\u2019s not wet), and the ability to turn invisible (as long as no one\u2019s looking at him.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n His group consisted of five other superheroes: the Communicator, Toothpick, Cheeseman, Mindreader, and Wings. The Communicator had the power to speak any language, as long as he had learned it first. (He had learned one whole language- English!) Toothpick could make one toothpick appear out of thin air once every two months. Cheeseman could melt cheese with his hands. Not anything else. Just cheese (but YOU can’t melt cheese with your hands, can you, now answer me THAT). Mindreader could read anyone\u2019s mind, as long as they were thinking about dumpsters. And Wings could fly as high as she wanted, as long as she was in a plane.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Together, the group kept the world safe. They hadn\u2019t actually fought any crime yet, but it was probably because the villains were to scared to attack when a bunch of brave superheroes were around!<\/p>\n\n\n\n One day, a terrifying group of one-inch tall villains tried to take over the city! Superdude and his friends got together to discuss the problem.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Mindreader narrowed her eyes. \u201cWe must stop these fiends!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Superdude flexed his giant (no, they were not actually giant) muscles. \u201cBrilliant plan, Mindreader! Time to rid the world of these foes!\u201d \u201cAlright,\u201d the Communicator announced. \u201cNow that we have decided to actually fight the evil villains, we must hatch a plan! Fojhbnvjmosv!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhich language was that?\u201d Toothpick asked, poking his teeth with a toothpick.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The Communicator smiled slyly, his eyes fixing on Toothpick. \u201cIt is not a language. I made it up.\u201d Wings yawned. \u201cI\u2019m tired. Here\u2019s the plan: we go to bed and take a nap while the bad guys take over the world.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cGood idea,\u201d Cheeseman said. \u201cI\u2019m pretty tired, too. You guys, I literally ate a whole bag <\/em>of chips earlier. All that work completely drained all my energy.\u201d \u201cBut we\u2019ll need a lie machine,\u201d the Communicator said. \u201cOh, I know where we can find one! Yijnqv[nutvqvyqtniothq!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhich is where?\u201d said Cheeseman.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The Communicator sighed. \u201cAh, my dear boy\u2014you must learn one day in life that there exists no such place as \u2018Yijnqv[nutvqvyqtniothq.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBut\u2026\u201d Cheeseman said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNow is not the time for potty humor!\u201d Mindreader cried. \u201cWe must unite! WE SHALL NOT GIVE UP!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cPlease can we give up? I\u2019ll give you a cookie.\u201d Wings said. Mindreader began to drool.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The puddle of drool became so big that it flooded the room, and the doors burst open. The six heroes floated outside, all wearing scuba diving outfits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The wave of drool swept them through the streets, and they ended up right in front of the one-inch tall villains.<\/p>\n\n\n\n One of the villains pushed his way forward. \u201cI am mmm, the leader of the Bad Guys!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat?\u201d Superdude asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The villain frowned. \u201cI am mmm, the leader of the Bad Guys.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSorry?\u201d Mindreader said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The villain\u2019s face turned red. \u201cI AM mmm, THE LEADER OF THE\u2014\u201d mmm launched himself at Cheeseman. \u201cYou will pay!\u201d mmm stood on top of Superdude. \u201cWe have won!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n ddd and fff, mmm\u2019s sidekicks, burst into ant-laughing. That was when Superdude realized\u2014<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cHey! You guys are ants! Ants that just tied us up!\u201d he cried. \u201cTHE BAD GUYS ARE A BUNCH OF ANTS!\u201d Superdude threw back his head. \u201cNo \u201cNo!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYes!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNo!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYes!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNo!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYes!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNo!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYes!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNo!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYes!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Superdude got tired of talking and fell asleep. mmm rolled his teensy little eyes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n ddd marched over and started to drag Mindreader and Wings to the dungeon with her tiny little ant-hands.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Mindreader started to sniffle. \u201cNo picnic food? Not even one tiny sandwich?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNo!\u201d laughed fff evilly. mmm gave him a low five (they had to do low fives because they were ants and seriously how would they do a five up high).<\/p>\n\n\n\n When they got to the Dungeon of No Picnic Food, Mindreader started to cry. Super-dude had a great idea.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cCry some more! Let\u2019s flood our way out of this place!\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Mindreader gave him a dirty look, then fell to pieces. Wings patted her on the back. \u201cThere, there.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n The water rose higher and higher, and the heroes floated closer and closer, and I kept using the same word over and over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Of course, one of the heroes could breathe underwater (not naming any names), but he could only do that if he wasn\u2019t wet. And he was very very very very very very very wet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The Communicator\u2019s head bumped the ceiling. \u201cHow was flooding the room a good idea?\u201d Mindreader gave Superdude a haughty look. \u201cNice going, Superdude. Look what you just did.\u201d The Communicator tried to make him wake up. \u201cAh! Wake up! Abybbpybep8nioioiouioaslnhopanwvo8wnyovapnvojdhjaptpapwomwpao!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cCOMMUNICATOR YOU\u2019RE BEING RIDICULOUS\u201d Mindreader yelled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Cheeseman woke up with a yawn. \u201cWhat did I miss?\u201d Mindreader sniffed. \u201cNo. I refuse to get out unless you give me a cookie.\u201d \u201cPlus it\u2019d be all soggy,\u201d ddd added.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat are you doing here?\u201d Wings demanded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n ddd shrugged. \u201cI wanted to come watch you all drown.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Toothpick held up his hands, and suddenly, a toothpick appeared.<\/p>\n\n\n\n He ducked underwater and unlocked the lock. Water gushed out of the dungeon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n ddd scampered up the wall. \u201cHey! I almost got wet!\u201d The two ants ran out of the room, and Superdude and his friends raised their eyebrows at each other. They were still sitting in the Dungeon of No Picnic Food.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOh, well.\u201d Wings got up and hurried down the pathway. \u201cAt least those ants don\u2019t know where we are.\u201d \u201cHa! You\u2019re outnumbered!\u201d called Wings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOr are we?\u201d Two more ants, uuu and eee, jumped down. jjj laughed. \u201cYou\u2019re going down!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Well, it turned out all of these ants had not actually been practicing their fighting skills lately, and Superdude and his friends actually won. <\/em>Can you believe it? qqq glared at them. \u201cGo away! We don\u2019t need you to be ruining everything!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Superdude looked at his friends. \u201cThat sounds like a pretty sweet deal. Anyone agree? I’m tired. Wings was right.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Cheeseman, the Communicator, Mindreader, Wings, and Toothpick all raised their hands.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Superdude shook qqq’s miniature hand (one of them, anyway. She had six). \u201cWe’ll be going now.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n qqq nodded. \u201cGood.\u201d Also ants took over the world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n THE END<\/p>\n\n\n\n Moral of the story: Do not ask a bunch of superheroes to defeat ants. They will lose. Read this short comedy by Merrilee Warren! SUPERDUDE AND THE AMAZING HEROES Superdude was an awesome superhero. He was Superman’s barber’s dog walker’s nephew’s sister’s best friend’s third cousin twice removed. He had three superpowers and was the leader of a group of superheroes called W.D.H.N (We Don\u2019t Have a Name) It was a very […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-60","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-featured-articles"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/shabbatgrouptimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/60","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/shabbatgrouptimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/shabbatgrouptimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shabbatgrouptimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shabbatgrouptimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=60"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/shabbatgrouptimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/60\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":61,"href":"https:\/\/shabbatgrouptimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/60\/revisions\/61"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/shabbatgrouptimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=60"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shabbatgrouptimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=60"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shabbatgrouptimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=60"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\u201c…which we were planning to do already?\u201d Wings pointed out. No one paid attention.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI knew that,\u201d Toothpick said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Superdude slammed his fist on the table, which was actually pretty hard, so he jumped up and started going oof! Oof! <\/em>\u201cWe are not giving up!\u201d
\u201cUh, we never started in the first place,\u201d Wings said. \u201cWe just said we would. We can turn that into a lie.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOkay, okay!\u201d Cheeseman interrupted. \u201cYou don\u2019t have to yell.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Cheeseman tried to shake him off, but he was too weak. A moment later, all of the heroes were tied up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThe correct term is a colony, actually, but that\u2019s right!\u201d mmm yelled. \u201cAnd now we\u2019re taking you to the Dungeon of No Picnic Food!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
mmm snickered. \u201cYes!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Wings swam around in circles like a little wafer. \u201cI don\u2019t know! And we\u2019re going to drown!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Superdude made bubbles with his mouth. \u201cI can get us out of this!\u201d
Cheeseman fell asleep in the water.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOh, nothing, we\u2019re just about to drown,\u201d Toothpick said. \u201cMaybe we can have yellow flowers at our funeral. I always loved those.\u201d
\u201cQuit thinking about funerals!\u201d Wings snapped. \u201cWE NEED TO GET OUT RIGHT NOW!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cLiterally where would she get a cookie?\u201d Toothpick asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cTough!\u201d snapped ooo, another ant. \u201cYou SHOULD be worrying about the fact that the PRISONERS ARE ESCAPING!\u201d
ddd\u2019s tiny jaws dropped. \u201cNo! We have to go get them!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOr do we?\u201d Five ants named jjj, lll, iii, kkk, and www jumped down from the ceiling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So anyway, the six heroes escaped the ants. But then they were caught by qqq, mmm\u2019s daughter!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And so the superheroes went home, and they vowed to never fight crime again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"