Welcome to the Shabbat Group Times website! View all of our issues, articles, Asa quotes, Bible verses, and more here!
February 28, 2026 EXCLUSIVE! Below is an amazing poem written by Gabby Carriere, age 18. It is probably the best poem ever. The Shepherd and His Sheep (Luke 15:4-7; Matthew…
According to Elliott Garrett, age 9, water is actually not wet. Apparently it just makes stuff wet somehow. Elliott insisted that rain is not wet. Of course if Elliott said…
January 17, 2026 BREAKING NEWS JELLY BEAN HAS FAVORITE SONG The infamous Jelly Bean Warren, age 3, known for chomping quite viciously on innocent people’s fingers and ears (although for…
BREAKING NEWS! SIX-SEVEN OFFICIALLY BANNED Merrilee Warren, age 12, editor of SGT (Shabbat Group Times) is officially banning six-seven forever. This will never be undone. It is the MOST absolutely…
EXCLUSIVE! WRAPPERCHUTING IS HOT NEW FAD Wrapperchuting is an ancient torture method practiced in Warrenia (the alternate dimension where the twins and Asa live). It is performed by placing your…
Welcome to our website! Here you can view all of our issues, as well as Asa quotes, featured news stories, Bible verses, and more! Our goal is to spread the…